The Fabulous Foofoo and the Flounce of Fartiness

Mah foo foo.

She is not well.

I saw a fantabulous gynae specialist on Tuesday - OK, I apologise:

THIS POST CARRIES AN OFFICIAL MINGEINA WARNING AND MAY CONTAIN EXPLICIT REFERENCES TO LADY GARDENS.

There.

As I was saying - let's just say the words 'oh, the pain you felt was when I was lifting your womb' - YOU WERE DOING WHAT! PUT IT BACK!

She thinks the dreaded endometriosis has come back with a vengeance, in and behind  my womb and also possibly my bladder (on top of everything else I am peeing rather a lot of blood, yippee). Thankfully NOT the ovarian cancer that was originally suspected. I have an operation in 3 weeks, and possibly / probably a major op in the near future. She was brilliant and I might have to marry her.

It's been a painful week but definitely picking up now. Thank you blokie over the road for getting your Sky fandango fit this morning at silly o'clock, I (and the rest of the road) really needed to listen to the slamming of van doors and the drilling / swarm of bees noises. Luvverly. Any chance it will be finished soon? No?

I am aiming to finish the cardi of mucho moss stitch today - I know I know, I seem to have been saying this for ages, but it's almost there. When you can't be arsed to knit or read then you know you ain't too well ....

It hasn't all been doom and gloom though, oh dearie me no - there has also been Dwama of the interwebz variety.

Madame La Flounce, she is fantastique, non?

Non.

She is just under the delusion that talking shite will go unnoticed online. Type what you want, tis the internet after all - but don't be naive enough to think that folk will let you go unchallenged if you type twaddle. Did I say twaddle? Silly me, I meant lies. One more person who is in the 'you are a big meany and I am telling my mam' camp. Well let me tell you - MY MAM is more scarier scariest scarifier than your mam! So bloody there matey!

Tinternet, gottaloveit, innit.

Anyone else planning on doing the old Nano thing this year?

nanowrimo

I will be, another excuse to write many words of - er - unmitigated shite ;-)

See you there!

STOP IT!

why? just why?

Stop eating out of date sodding yoghurt then you stupid stupid woman!

Arggghhhh.

Moss stitch moss stitch double chuffing moss stitch - I love moss stitch but bloody nora I am somewhat bored with it now - one sleeve to go. I went into a mini panic this morning when I realised I was very likely to run out of wool, so ordered a ball of Felted Tweed, if the dye lot isn't the same then to hell with it, will walk with one arm in the shade or lifted in a permanent wave.
Delphine, you will be mine very very soon.

Delphine

Not the best of days today, but I stood my ground better than I thought I would, and my union chap was utterly brilliant as always. Career ideas anyone? (seriously, anyone have any good ideas??).

Dream jobs would include:

a donkey sanctuary

but I have the tiniest garden in the world and don't think they would like to live in the living room - and I bet they would hog the telly.

guinea pig cuddler

Yes, could do that as a career very happily.

Erm. What else?

                                                                             Yes?

Trumpet Bum.

Oui. C'est moi.

What??!!! Too much info??

OK.

I cannot for the life of me manage to download / upload / middling load the piccies I want, grrrr to it, so here is an assortment of drivel. Nowt new there then ...



The piccies I want to post concern this little love, Dear Daphne. Hopefully I might manage it tomorrow.

Last seen wimpering in a hat, under a tissue and muttering about me not having the heating on.

I seem to have many many things on the go and getting nowhere fast with them. This is one that I really do want to get on with, and is lined up for the not so distant future - would love it finito by what, the end of November seems realistic?

This is the one that's taking up my time at the moment - it's just so slow! I love it, love pretty much everything about it but by hell it's such a slow knit. I have the back, one front, one sleeve and half the other front finished, and had it in my silly head that I could finish the entire thing by the end of Sunday. Yes, that's this Sunday. Hahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa.

This little lovely is my much missed Enid. I am pining for a pet, very much so. Ideally I want another cat but just not terribly practical at the moment. I would love another piggy or a wabbit, but until I know what's going on healthwise it probably isn't the best move. My daughter has said she will look after it with pleasure if I get whisked into hospital, and I am finding it harder and harder to resist - I also think it would be the most calming thing imaginable again.

I want a PET!

And this has gone in the bin.

What? What's that you say?

No gossip and scandal? Nothing worth reading at all?

Nope, not a bit.

But just be grateful - this post is tampon free.

Yikes! A post of many horrors ....

Seb Coe seems to have decided to join the Chuckle Brothers ....

am I the only one who sees the resemblance? It makes me grin everytime he's on telly (which is a lot lately with all the Olympics publicity). Scary.

Now, Turn away from your screen if you are of a nervous disposition. I originally wrote this as quite a long post following the hospital scans last month, but I think a few lines is more, so much more than enough. But look - I suffer, you share, Ok?

When you go for gynae scans they often involve internal ones too. In the accompanying bumph it describes these as involving 'a small probe no larger than a tampon'.
Ok.
A tampon size:

THEY LIE. (oh and yes - I have written a blog post involving tampons. Deal with it.)

Unless someone has been making tampons for sodding dinosaurs or hippos. They lie.

Am now waiting for the next lot of tests, lined up to see both gynae and gastric specialists, oh joy of joys. But thankfully the worst case scenario has been ruled out which is brilliant, I don't plan on expiring just yet thank you very much, ill wishes karma or no.

But whilst on the subject of tampons, I saw this and thought it would make a wonderful artyfarty project for all you wonderful readers.

Betcha glad I posted .... ;-)

DON'T MESS!

with someone who stayed up until 5am to watch the Chilean miners being rescued.

bbc.co.uk

Incredible to watch, I couldn't tear myself away - just one more half hour, I kept saying, just one more half hour. Make it another hour.OK, make it another hour. Spoke to my mum at 4am as the first miner was on his way up, she couldn't bear to watch it 'just in case' .

I suspect today will be a day of kipping on the settee on and off, and this house is a pig sty, must have a serious hoover round and polish, in between watching the news online (slightly surreal last night, before BBC1 started broadcasting it, all I could find was - er - a WHAM! special on BBC2 ...
Not quite the same.

I am sure these men and their families will have incredible emotional, mental and physical issues to deal with from now on - they are the most famous men in the world right now - and I hope life treats them all very gently and with compassion and respect.
Predictably there is a fair amount of 'well done XYZ' going on - and at the risk of offending my XYZ friends go on, just let Chile have it's day. I am no expert and I am sure every bit of help was absolutely essential, but by hell there's an incredible amount of national pride, faith and support going on in Chile and it is wonderful to watch.

I do wish the fellas reporting for the BBC would understand that actually it's OK to SHUT UP for five minutes, watching the filming is riveting, we don't need to hear you wittering on nonstop! Argh!
Some excellent comments though - such as 'the miners' wives, husbands and loved ones - well, not their husbands!', and one along the lines of 'he looks very pale except for his eyes which are dark. He has sunglasses on'. Got to love the 'I can speak this language wonderfully, listen to me pronounce these names!'
Ah, bless.
Oh how could I forget - my personal favourite.
'My colleague has gone to answer a call of nature, and there is nothing wrong with that. I have availed myself of a cup of tea, I apologise; - brilliant!

Miner number seven is about to appear (hopefully), fingers, eyes and legs crossed that every single one of them, rescuers included, makes it out safely.
Brave brave men.

Public Transport

A very warm, sleepy sort of bus.
I spent most of it trying to work out who smelt - was it the oldish bloke infront of me, or the youngish lad behind? You know when you just can't qwuite work out where it is coming from - a wiff of sweat and general dirt. At one point I started to wonder if it was ME. Did I stink? Was I skanky?

Once he got off I was relieved to find it was the oldish bloke. Not me.

Then a woman sitting near the front decided to yell into her hands free mobile - three people who had almost nodded off completely nearly fell off their seats in shock. But we all knew she would 'be at your 'ouse in 'alf an 'our, orrite?' Marginally better than people who decide we all want to hear their arguments on their phones, at top volume, interspersed with as many swear words as they can think of.

Bloke behind me on the way back sniffed. Constantly. Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.
Pause.
Sniff.
Sniff sniff sniff. Sniff. I womanfully fought the urge to turn round and knock him out with my cabbage.

Pubic transport. Innit.

YOU BIG BULLY!

It's car crash reading at times but hey, it's a quiet morning so far ... anything to avoid tidying the living room for the next five minutes.
The following comments have just made me grin - they may of course be aimed at someone entirely different but that wouldn't make much of a blog post so in the interest of having something to write I am taking them as if they apply to this little bloggywoggy.

Enjoy.

I hope you can see that it’s a tiny minority of self-righteous, paranoid, inadequate losers (many of whom are posting multiple anonymous comments to make it look as though they have supporters – a fact that is obvious to the most casual observer).


My favourite part about this? Yes you guessed it - there is no link to the poster's name - therefore it is anonymous. Genius! For my own part I have never felt the need to post a reply to myself, am neither paranoid nor an inadequate loser - self righteous well, in the case of my definition of a shite class then yes, absolutely! If self righteous means knowing when a class is utterly appalling oh yes, damned right I am and proud!
 
Are there 'many' posting critiques of cider drinking tutors' inadequacies? Can a tiny minority be many? Eh??
 
What’s happening on Rav and certain blogs is bullying, pure and simple. People can dress it up as ‘feedback’ all they want, they’re deluding themselves. We all know when we’re being cruel and childish.
Erm. Not true my dear. Not bullying, just the simple honest truth, backed up by many people who were in that class of shiteness. And many more who have experienced the same thing. Please go and read the horror of what happened at Dunblane (just up the road from Stirling) and then tell me that repeated gun comments are appropriate? For 'cruel and childish' read 'absolute honesty and truth'. And by hell it has struck a nerve hasn't it.
 
Next.
 
Some people just can’t help but jump in on a dogpile. Once this drama is over and the vultures have found something more tasty, the same people dissing you now will be buying your patterns and acting like nothing happened.
 
Dogpile? Please don't flatter yourself - the main topic of conversation on Ravelry and knitting blogs is the mess that is SCKC, NOT the shite class. If you call not paying tutors a 'drama', and those who are utterly disgusted by it all 'vultures', then maybe that says a lot about you rather than them?
As for buying a pattern from the cider drinker, not a chance - never have, never will. I am not a hypocrite. More than enough fantastic - and professional, pleasant and incredibly talented - designers out there. Maybe someone needs to put down the cider and think about that? A self pitying, money grabbing, deluded and unprofessional pattern designer or one with dignity, inspiration, imagination and class - hmmmm. Believing your own publicity and only wanting to read the good things is a massive mistake. My own Ravelry queue will take many years to work through - it doesn't contain a single pattern by you know who.
 
i was completely shocked by the mob mentality. please be assured that not all ravelers are like that. i can only imagine how they must talk to their grandmothers like that…
 
Oh dear, where to start.
Erm.
Oh it's tempting, but no, walk away from the car crash that is that last 'sentence'.
I wish I could talk to my nan but she is dead. By hell she would have seen straight through a certain person to the crap, very astute lady my nan. Nuf said.
 
Friends, bath, hair wash, get dressed, nip into town, continue attacking the mess upstairs. Ironing!
And start planting up my bottle garden of mysterious and manifold delights.
Tis almost the weekend my friends, almost ... toodles x
 
 
 
 

Madness, they call it madness ...

I cannot post piccies for some reason, might be because I am using a different laptop at the moment, so bear with the nonpiccy posting.

Well, the SCKC shite continues doesn't it.

It had seemed to go (ominously) quiet over on Ravelry - I don't follow many blogs at the moment so only really read ones linked via Rav, but the threads about SCKC had gone pretty silent. Presumably people have taken things down a legal route and there is little more they can say at the moment. Then a couple of people who had received refunds for zoodies (am I the only person who thinks that's a bloody silly name for a zippy up top??) also received the top - and now feel guilty for having both.

And there's the nub - the decent folk feel guilty for having received goods they ordered and the refund, whilst the person who owes a bloody fortune to people has vanished (more about her soon). Something I don't feel very comfortable about is the whole tutor fund (many reasons - one being that I certainly do not want a penny of mine to be spent on cider), and I don't like seeing these people being 'told' to donate the refund to the fund. Argh! Big fat meany, c'est moi.

Anyway, moving on. The bunnies and rainbows seem to be fading away into the mist, along with the unicorns and flutterbyes ... all is not quite pinkness and fluffy hugs. Traa la la laaaaaaa.
More and more blog posts have appeared, all with a very similar story - that the people at SCKC were brilliant, that the organisation was dreadful, that people were generally treated with incredible rudeness and arrogance, that the whole contract business beggared belief, and that payment - well, what payment?

And then reports of bizarre forms allegedly - and I stress allegedly - from the disorganiser's hubby, telling those owed dosh to pay up a million trillion dollars so they can possibly maybe one day in the unforseeable future maybe receive 56p towards what they are owed. Lordy.

BUT dear friends and cider drinkers everywhere, I have saved the best for last.
Oh yes.
Please everyone, stop posting meany things about said disorganiser, because she is upset.
Post traumatic stress - oh lordy. Offensive? Much?

As I have said elsewhere -
cannot reply to online messages
cannot reply to emails
cannot reply to phone calls
cannot reply to letters
not available in person
BUT
is upset by what is being said about her online?

WHAT! Utter fekkin madness. There is so much wrong with this - how dare ANYONE take it upon themselves to send that message to somebody? How dare anyone try to play the sympathy card after deliberately choosing to ignore every single query, complaint, question?

Good heavens, after insulting the entire British knitting population one would have thought the disorganiser might have peaked in her bid to become Knitters'Number One Bitch (KNOB) . But no, all respect to her - she has bettered it.

A Grand Passion.

The other night I dreamed I was madly in love with -

Tony Blackburn.

What the hell was all that about???